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How do I say goodbye to my boobs with grace?
Anticipatory grief, a prophylactic double mastectomy, and missing my mom
This is my mother’s journal entry following her mastectomy. She was 35 with stage 4 breast cancer.
February 28th, 1997 has come and gone. It was a lovely, sunny, blue day. Diane, Dee Dee, Jan, and Dave were with me to check in and wish me well. When I woke up, the hospital room was filled with people. It felt so good. I can’t remember clearly, but I felt love around me. It’s amazing how great I feel after surgery. It was much easier than delivering Melanie and Mattie, although they were worth all the aches and pains!
It’s now a week later, and I feel sad. My prognosis seems so serious and frightening. Treatment seems incredible. How does a person live through it? Will I live a long, long time after all is said and done? I know I must! My babies need me so much, along with Dave. As I lay with Melanie tonight, she told me how much she didn’t like people to get sick. She does not understand why. She said she is afraid. I cry in the dark and hope she doesn’t feel my fear and sorrow. It is so hard to explain to a 4-year-old why people get chemotherapy- their hair falls out, they are sick, and then get better. What a concept. I am looking for understanding myself. I have one week before my first chemo…
